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Today's jokes [11.21.20]

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During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an
unusual offer.

"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you
get to me and the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honor and obey'
and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate
it if you'd just leave that part out." He passed the minister a $100
bill and walked away satisfied.

It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to
that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes
time for the groom's vows, the pastor looks the young man in the eye 
and says, "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her 
every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your 
life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will
not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "I do."
Then, he leaned toward the pastor and hissed, "I thought we had a deal."

The pastor put the $100 bill into his hand and whispered back, "She made
me a much better offer."

1. 




"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court
judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."

"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then 
I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."


2. 




A businessman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double
scotch on the rocks. After he finished the drink, he peeked inside his
shirt pocket, then he ordered another double scotch.
After he finished that one, he again peeked inside his shirt pocket and
ordered another double scotch.
Finally, the bartender said, "Look, buddy, I'll bring you drinks all night
long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before 
you order another."

The customer replied, "I'm looking at a photo of my wife. When she starts
to look good, then I know it's time to go home."

3. 




Wise men never marry and when they marry they become otherwise.

4. 




Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and 
values.
Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"
Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, What was her maiden name?"


5. 



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