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Today's jokes [10.18.20]

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Phone answering machine message:

"...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..."

1. 




Police arrested two kids yesterday,
one was drinking battery acid,and the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one and let the other one off.

2. 




So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
"Can you give me a lift?"

I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'

3. 




A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only gladwrap for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

4. 




Two blondes walk into a building...
You'd  think at least one of them would have seen it.

5. 



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