Today's jokes [1.7.20]
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A guy was sitting in a bar when a stranger
walked up to him and asked, "If you woke up
in the woods and scratched your butt
and felt vasoline, would you tell anyone?"
"Hell no!" the guy said.
The stranger then asked, "If you felt further into your
crack and pulled out a used condom, would you tell anyone?"
The man said, "Of course not."
"Wanna go camping?"
Clinton died and was standing at hte Pearly Gates. After
knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared. "Who goes
there?" inquired St. Peter.
"'It's me, Bill Clinton."
"And what do you want?" asked St. Peter.
"Lemme in!" replied Clinton.
"Soooo," pondered Peter. "What bad things did you do on
Clinton thought a bit and answered, "Well, I smoked marijuana
but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't inhale. I
guess I had extra-marital sex -- but you shouldn't hold that
against me because I didn't really have 'sexual relations.' And I
lied, but I didn't commit perjury."
After several moments of deliberation St. Peter replied, "OK,
here's the deal. We'll send you someplace where it is very hot,
but we won't call it 'Hell.' You'll be there for an indefinite period
of time, but we won't call it 'eternity.' And don't abandon all
hope' upon entering, just don't hold your breath waiting for it to
Jewish view on when life begins: There's a big controversy
on when life begins. In Jewish tradition the fetus is not
considered viable until after it graduates from medical school.
Do you know why it's called sex?
Because it's easier to spell than
Prosecutor: Did you kill the victim?
Defendant: No, I did not.
Prosecutor: Do you know what the penalties are for perjury?
Defendant: Yes, I do. And they're a heck of a lot better than
the penalty for murder!
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