Today's jokes [1.13.20]
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A funeral service is being held in a church for a woman
who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the
pall-bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally
bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan.
They open the casket and find that the woman is actually
still alive. She lives for ten more years and then dies.
A ceremony is again held at the same church and at the
end of the ceremony, the pall bearers are again carrying out
the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out,
"WATCH OUT FOR THAT WALL!"
THREE GAY GUYS WERE ALL IN A CAR CRASH AND DIED. ALL THREE GUYS WERE CREMATED.
THERE BOYFRIENDS WERE TALKING ABOUT WHAT THEY WERE GOING TO DO WITH THE ASHES.
THE FIRST BOYFRIEND SAID I AM GOING TO SKY DIVE AND SPREAD HIS ASHES IN THE SKY BECAUSE
THATS WHAT HE LIKED.
THE SECOND GUY SAID I AM GOING TO SPREAD MY BOYFRIENDS ASHES
IN THE SEA BECAUSE IT'S WHAT HE LIKED.
THE THIRD GUY SAID I'M GOING TO PUT MY BOYFRIENDS ASHES IN A BOWL OF CHILI SO HE CAN
RIP THROUGH MY ASS ONE LAST TIME!!
Sent by ANTHONY
A wish for Christmas
It is around christmas time and santa is sitting in the middle of the
mall in his big holiday setup.He has a line of kids lined up to sit on
his lap and tell him what they want for christmas. As the line
dwindles down; a little 5 year old boy comes up and sits on santas
lap. Santa says to the little boy"I bet I know what you want for
christmas". "I bet
you want a puppy, P-U-P-P-Y"; touching the tip of the little boys nose
with his finger after every letter of the word. The little boy
So santa again says"Then I bet you want a bike,B-I-K-E"; as he again
touched the tip of the little boys nose with his finger. The little
boy again said"Nope".
Well santa's starting to get a little pissed off. So he thinks to
himself that he'll try one more time. So he says to the little boy"I
bet you want a fire engine,F-I-R-E-E-N-G-I-N-E"; once again touching
the tip of the little boys nose with his finger after every letter of
the word. Where to the little responds"Nope".
Well at this time santa's really pissed off. So he says to the little
boy "Then what the fuck do you want for christmas"?
The little boy then looked at santa and said"I want some pussy,
P-U-S-S-Y; and don't fucking tell me that you can't give me any
because I can smell it on your finger"!
"May I take your order?" the waiter asked.
"Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?"
"Nothing special sir," he replied. "We just
tell them straight out that they're going to die."
A political man to a woman, "You look beautiful today!!!!"
The woman replied, "Thanks, but unfortunately I could not say the same about you."
"Sure you could!!" said the political man, "if you could lie as well as I do!"
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