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Today's jokes [9.9.19]

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A company in the Foreign Legion had spent three years in the Sahara desert 
never having seen a woman. They finally decide to send one private on 
vacation to the nearest town to spend some time with a woman and tell them
all about it. After a week the private comes back all happy and relaxed. 
The whole company crowds around him waiting to hear of his great 
escapades. "And on the third day..." he began. "No! no! start with the 
first day," Everyone yells out in chorus. "And on the third day, " the 
private continues " she asked me to stop so she could go to the 


   Nuns First Hot Dog
   Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to
   the other, "I hear
   that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her
   companion replies, "but if
   we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
   Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor
   and they both walk
   toward him. "Two dogs, please," says one. The vendor is only too
   pleased to oblige and
   he wraps both hot dogs in foil. Excited, the nuns hurry over to a
   bench and begin to
   unwrap their 'dogs.' The mother superior is first to open hers.
   Staring at it for a moment,
   she leans over to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part
   did you get?"


Following some duty overseas, the officers at the Fort were 
planning a welcome home party and dance for the unit. Being 
an all male combat force, they decided to request coeds from 
some of the surrounding colleges to attend.

The Captain called Vassar and was assured by the Dean that 
arrangements could be made to send over a dozen of their most 
trustworthy students.

The Captain hesitated, then said, "Would it also be possible to 
send a dozen or so of the other kind ?"


Did you hear about the blind skunk who fell in love with a fart?



   Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant
   with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the
   other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
   At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing
   your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes I am,
   I married the wrong man."
   Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished.
   Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree
   and the woman gets her master's.
   A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get
   married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying
   for it."
   Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man
   doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in most
   countries, son.
   Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was
   until I got married; and then it was too late.
   When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year
   married man looks happy - we wonder why.
   Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the
   man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks
   and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the
   neighbors listen.
   After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool
   when I married you." And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in
   love and didn't notice it."
   A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he
   received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can
   have mine."
   When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of
   one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
   How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your
   laundry done free.
   The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget
   it once.
   When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let
   him keep her. - Sacha Guitry
   Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in
   Europe. - Jackie Mason
   Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second
   marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.


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