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Today's jokes [9.2.19]

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Q: Why couldn't the blond pass her drivers test?

A: Every time the car stopped she jumped in the backseat.



1. 




A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around his
neck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it's
his turn to be waited on.

A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase
and noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter and asked
the dog what it wanted today.

The dog put its paw on the glass case in front of the ground beef,
and the butcher said, "How many pounds?" The dog barked twice, so the
butcher made a package of two pounds ground beef. He then said,
"Anything else?" The dog pointed to the pork chops, and the butcher
said, "How many?" The dog barked four times, and the butcher made up
a package of four pork chops.

The dog walked around behind the counter, so the butcher could get
at the purse and take out the appropriate amount of money before
tying the two packages of meat around the dog's neck.

The man, who had been watching all of this, decided to follow the
dog. The dog walked for several blocks and then walked up to a house
where it began to scratch the door to be let in.

As the owner opened the door, the man called to the owner, "That's a
really smart dog you have there."

"He's not really all that smart," the owner replied.

"This is the second time this week he forgot his key."

2. 




A driver, obviously drunk, was heading the wrong way down
a one-way street when a policeman pulled him over. "Didn't
you see the arrow, buddy?" he asked.
"An arrow?" the confused driver said. "I didn't even see the
Indians

3. 




How do Jewish people celebrate Christmas?
They all gather around their cash registers and sing
"What a Friend We Have In Jesus..." 

4. 




What do you get when you cross Viagra and Rogaine?

Don King.

5. 



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