Today's stories [8.6.19]
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My wife used to have the habit of disbelieving something with
the phrase "my ass!" She would say "Four hundred dollars,
my ass!" or "30 minutes late, my ass!" One day a friend of
mine and I were having a conversation, which she was listening
to, and I said something like "...so it would be easy to
penetrate.." She chimed in... "Penetrate my ass!" My friend
and I laughed so long and hard we forgot what we were even
talking about! Needless to say, she doesn't say "my ass!" any
My twin sister and I had been out on our first double date. I immediately
walked in the house after the date, but my sister stayed outside to kiss
her date goodnight. My mom was curious to see what they were doing. In
order to see, she had to step on the toilet lid in the bathroom to see out
the window. It was dark and she failed to close the lid so she slipped
into the toilet. She was really embarrassed when she came into the front
room with wet feet and had to explain why.
A week after high school I was shipped off to a military college with a no
contact with home policy. Not a good idea, but my idea. I returned home at
the end of the quarter to find my mother, father, and the home I grew up
in were gone. She thought the vacant lot was a great joke. It was. But if
I ever talk to a therapist, I'm going to mention this.
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