Today's Jokes  |  Archives  |  Lists  |  Random  |  Register  |  RandJoke on Your Page  
 


Today's jokes [8.5.19]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.


Age        Succesful Date
        
        17         "tongue"
        25         "breakfast"
        35         "She didn't set back my therapy."
        48         "I didn't have to meet her kids."
        66         "Got home alive."

1. 




One day a blonde went into Wal-Mart and saw something she liked. 
The Blonde asked the clerk what it was.  The Clerk said it was a
thermous.  What does the thermous do?  It keeps hot things hot
and cold things cold. So she bought one. The blonde brought it to
work one day and the blondes boss who also is a blonde said what
is that thing? It is a thermous the first blonde said.  What does
it do? Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. What do you have
in it? I have coffee and a popcycle in it.

Sent by Tom

2. 




   One evening after attending a concert, two men were walking down the
   road when they
   saw a well-dressed and attractive looking woman walking ahead of them.
   One of the men
   turned to the other and said, "I'd give 50 bucks to spend the night
   with her." To their
   surprise the woman overheard the remark. Turning round she said, "I'll
   take you up on
   that." She had good appearance and a nice body, so after bidding his
   companion 'good
   night', he followed her back to her apartment and they went straight
   to bed. The following
   morning the man presented her with 25.00. She demanded the rest of her
   money."If you
   don't give me the remaining $25 I'll sue you for it." He laughed,
   saying, "I'd like to see
   you get it on those grounds!" The next day,he was surprised to receive
   a summons
   ordering his appearance in Court as Defendant in a lawsuit. He rushed
   to his atorney and
   explained the circumstances to him. His atorney said, "She can't
   possibly get a judgment
   against you on such grounds, but it would interesting to see how her
   case will be
   presented." After the usual preliminaries, her lawyer addressed the
   court as follows:-
   Your honor, my client this lady here is the owner of a fine piece of
   property, a garden spot
   surrounded by a profuse of luscious shrubbery, which she agreed to
   rent to the Defendant
   for a specified length of time, for an agreed upon sum of $50. The
   Defendant took
   possession of the property, used it extensively for the purpose for
   which it was rented, but
   upon evacuation of the premises he paid only $25; half the agreed
   amount. The rent was by
   no means excessive, even though it was restricted property, and we ask
   Judgment be
   granted against Defendant to ensure payment of the balance.The
   Defendant's lawyer was
   impressed and amused at the way his opponent had presented the case.
   His defense was,
   therefore, somewhat altered from the way he had originally planned to
   present it.
   Your Honor, my client agrees the young lady has a fine piece of
   property,that he did rent
   such property for a time, and a degree of pleasure was derived from
   the transaction.
   However, my client found a well on the property around which he placed
   his stones,
   erected a pump, and sunk a shaft, all labor being performed by him
   personally. We claim
   these improvements to the property were sufficient to offset the
   unpaid amount and that the
   plaintiff was more than adequately satisfied and compensated for the
   rental of the said
   property. We therefore ask Judgment not be granted.
   The young lady's lawyer's comeback was this:- Your Honor, my client
   agrees that the
   Defendant did find a well on her property and that he did make
   improvements such as my
   opponent has described. However had the Defendant not known the well
   existed, he would
   not have rented the property. Also, upon evacuating the premises, the
   Defendant removed
   his stones, pulled out his shaft and took the pump with him. In so
   doing, he not only
   dragged his equipment through the shrubbery, leaving my client to do
   the cleaning up, but
   he left the hole much larger than it was prior to his occupancy, thus
   making it very easily
   accessible to little children. We therefore ask that Judgment be
   granted.
   SHE GOT IT!
   


3. 




What's Britney Spears' next career goal?

                         To learn how to sing.

4. 




TOP TEN PROPOSED NEW DOMAINS

Earlier this week, Gregory Nemitz and a handful of space enthusiasts proposed creating special
domains, including ".luna" and ".moon," for Web sites based on the moon. He wasn't kidding:

And one of our "Ten laws the Net needs" involves a special ".xxx" domain for pornographic 
sites. But why stop there? Here are some new proposed domains, and what you can expect from 
the sites in them:

10. ".trek"--contains audio files of William Shatner
9. ".bill"--Microsoft has bought this company
8. ".love"--for people who would rather cuddle
7. ".slow"--based in a distant country with no T3 lines
6. ".geek"--assumes you know what all the acronyms mean
5. ".404"--we stopped maintaining our servers in 1996
4. ".y2k"--contains theories about the end of the world
3. ".burn"--huge multimedia files will crash your computer
2. ".*"--contains allegations about President Clinton's sex life
1. ".duh"--explains, in detail, stuff you already know

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD





By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read

Today's Stories
Today's Poems
Today's Quotes
Today's Funny Pic

 August '19 Jokes Issues:
S  M  T  W  Th F  St
            1  2  3  
4  5  6  7  8  9  10 
11 12 13 14 15 16 17 
18 19 20 21 22 23 24 
25 26 27 28 29 30 31 

Jump to  



For any questions or comments email us at info@jokes2go.com
Copyright© SpekGY, Inc, 1998-2016. All rights reserved.