Today's jokes [8.2.19]
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What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish
One less drunk.
A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a
few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very ornery, and difficult to
handle. Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem:
she was in heat. What to do? There was no male of this species
While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed
Mike, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Now
Mike, it was rumored, possessed ample ability to satisfy any female,
and he wasn't very bright. So the zoo administrators thought they
might have a solution. Perhaps they could entice Mike to satisfy the
female gorilla. So he was approached with a proposition: would he be
willing to screw the gorilla--for five hundred bucks? Mike replied
that he might be interested, but would have to think the matter over.
The following day, Mike announced that he would accept their offer,
but only under three conditions:
"First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her," and "Second, I
want nothing to do with any offspring that may result from this
The zoo administration quickly acceded to these conditions, but what
could be the third?
"Well," said Mike, "You've gotta give me another week to come up with
the five hundred bucks."
What's the best thing about turning 65?
No more calls from insurance salesmen.
Santa comes once a year - but when he does he fills your stocking!
The moon shown silver on the waters of the lake, and the waves that were
beating on the shore were hardly equal in intensity to the waves of
passion nearby. One ardent couple paused long enough for the young man to
whisper, "Darling am I the first man to make love to you ?"
Her tone upon answering was slightly more than irritable. "Of course you
are!" she said. "And also the best too. I don't know why you men always
ask the same old ridiculous questions."
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