Today's stories [7.5.19]
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And now, news from the Royal wedding...
On the day of the wedding, Sophie was getting dressed, surrounded
by all her family, and she suddenly realised she had forgotten to
get any shoes.
Then her sister remembered that she had a pair of white shoes
from her wedding so she lent them to Sophie for the day.
Unfortunately they were a bit too small and by the time the
festivities were over Sophie's feet were agony. When she and
Edward withdrew to their room the only thing she could think of
was getting her shoes off.
The rest of the Family crowded round the door to the bedroom and
they heard roughly what they expected, grunts, straining noises
and the occasional muffled scream. Eventually they heard Edward
say "God that was tight"
"There," whispered the Queen. "I told you she was a virgin."
Then to their surprise, they heard Edward say. "Right. Now for
the other one."
Followed by more grunting and straining and at last Edward said,
"My God. That was even tighter"
That's my boy," said the Duke. "Once a sailor, always a sailor."
This is supposedly a true story from a recent Defence Science Lectures
Series, as related by the head of the Australian DSTO's Land Operations /
Simulation division. They've been working on some really nifty
virtual reality simulators, the case in point being to incorporate Armed
Reconnaissance Helicopters into exercises (from the data fusion point of
Most of the people they employ on this sort of thing are ex- (or future)
computer game programmers. Anyway, as part of the reality parameters,
they include things like trees and animals.
For the Australian simulation they included kangaroos. In particular,
they had to model kangaroo movements and reactions to helicopters (since
hordes of disturbed kangaroos might well give away a helicopter's
Being good programmers, they just stole some code (which was originally
used to model infantry detachments reactions under the same stimuli), and
changed the mapped icon, the speed parameters, etc.
The first time they went to demonstrate this to some visiting Americans,
the hotshot pilots have decided to get "down and dirty" with the virtual
kangaroos. So, they buzz them, and watch them scatter. The visiting
Americans nod appreciatively...then gape as the kangaroos duck around a
hill, and launch about two dozen Stinger missiles at the hapless
Programmers look rather embarrassed at forgetting to remove that part of
the infantry coding...and Americans leave muttering comments about not
wanting to mess with the Aussie wildlife! As an addendum, simulator
pilots from that point onwards avoided kangaroos like the plague, just
like they were meant to do in the first place.
Greg tells me about his sister-in-law (yet another gorgeous
blonde): We were playing Trivial Pursuit on night. It was her
turn, she rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature"
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls
your name, can you hear it? She thought for a time and then
asked, "Is it on or off".
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