Today's poems [7.15.19]
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There was a young man named Ringer,
Who was seducing a beautiful singer.
He said with a grin,
"I've now rammed it in!"
She said, "You mean that isn't your finger?"
There was a young lady called Dawn
Who wished she had never been born.
She wouldn't have been
If her father had seen
That the end of his rubber was torn.
Sent by Charles
"If the skirts got any shorter"
said the typist with a blush...
"There'd be two more lips to powder
and lots more hair to brush!"
The Ballad of the Bobbit Hillbillies
(Sing to the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies)
Here's a little story of a man named John
a poor ex-marine (with a little fraction gone).
It seems one night after gettin' with the wife.
She lopped of his schlong with the swipe of a knife.
(Penis that is)
Well the next thing you know there's a Ginsu by his side,
and Lorena's in the car takin Willie for a ride.
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend,
so she tossed him out the window as she rounded out a bend.
(Curve that is)
(Pricker shrubs, wheel hubs)
She went to the cops and confessed to the attack,
and they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back.
They sniffed and they barked, then they pointed "over there"
To John Wayne's Henry that was wavin' in the air.
(Found that is)
(By a fence, evidence)
Now peter and John couldn't stay apart too long,
So a dick-doc said "Hey! I can fix your dong."
"A needle and a thread's just the thing you're gonna need."
Then the world held it's breath 'till they heard that Johnny peed.
(Wizzed that is)
(Stitched seam, straight stream)
Well he healed and he hardened, and he took his case to court,
With a cock-eyed lawyer (since his assets came up short)
They cleared her of assault and acquitted him of rape,
And his pecker was the only one they didn't show on tape!
(Video that is)
(Unexposed, case closed)
Part 1 of 3
There were three young ladies of Birmingham,
And this is the scandal concerning 'em.
They lifted the frock
And tickled the cock
Of the Bishop engaged in confirming 'em.
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