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Today's stories [5.4.19]

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The FBI released more formerly classified files.
Among 15,000 pages newly available to the public
were in-depth reports on organized crime and
anti-communist groups an several Victoria's Secret
catalogs addressed to JE Hoover. 

1. 




    This is a true story from the WordPerfect help line.

   Needless to say the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is
   currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without
   Cause". Actual dialogue of a former Word perfect Customer Support
   employee:
   "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
   "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
   "What sort of trouble?"
   "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went
   away."
   "Went away?"
   "They disappeared."
   "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
   "Nothing."
   "Nothing?"
   "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
   "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
   "How do I tell?"
   "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
   "What's a sea-prompt?"
   "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
   "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
   "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
   "What's a monitor?"
   "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it
   have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
   "I don't know."
   "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power
   cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
   "Yes, I think so."
   "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into
   the wall."
   ".......Yes, it is."
   "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two
   cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
   "No."
   "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the
   other cable."
   ".......Okay, here it is."
   "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back
   of your computer."
   "I can't reach."
   "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
   "No."
   "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
   "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's
   dark."
   "Dark?"
   "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in
   from the window."
   "Well, turn on the office light then."
   "I can't."
   "No? Why not?"
   "Because there's a power outage."
   "A power... A power outage? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you
   still have the boxes and manuals and packing suff your computer came
   in?"
   "Well, yes, I kee them in the closet."
   "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it
   was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it
   from."
   "Really? Is it that bad?"
   "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
   "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
   "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."


  

2. 




"Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically
   to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets
   and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is
   to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to
   test the strength of the windshields. British engineers heard about
   the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new
   high-speed trains. Arrangements were made. But when the gun was fired,
   the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel,
   crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens,
   crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest
   in two and embedded itself in the back of the cabin. Horrified, the
   Britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with
   the designs of the windshield, and begged the U.S. scientists for
   suggestions. NASA's response was just one sentence, "Thaw the
   chicken."


  

3. 



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