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Today's stories [5.14.19]

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    Burn Baby Burn - A Cigar Story

   ONLY IN THE U.S. LEGAL SYSTEM
   A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very
   expensive cigars, insured them against ... get this ...fire.
   Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars,
   and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man
   filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man
   stated that he had lost the cigars in "a series of small fires."
   The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that
   the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion. The man
   sued...and won!
   In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a
   policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were
   insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against
   fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire,"
   it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss.
   Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance
   company accepted the judge's ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the
   rare cigars he lost in "the fires." After the man cashed his check,
   however, the insurance company had him arrested ... on 24 counts of
   arson!
   With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case
   being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of
   intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 consecutive
   one year terms!


  

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The British Military writes OFR's (officer fitness
   reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is
   the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people's
   "206's".... His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of
   curiosity. I would not breed from this Officer. This Officer is really
   not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be. When she
   opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot
   was previously in there. He has carried out each and every one of his
   duties to his entire satisfaction. He would be out of his depth in a
   car park puddle. Technically sound, but socially impossible. This
   Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around
   at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere. This young lady has
   delusions of adequacy. When he joined my ship, this Officer was
   something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably. Since my
   last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig. She
   sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve
   them. He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age. In my
   opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.
   Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in
   a trap This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. Only
   occasionally wets himself under pressure


  

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On a bumper sticker:

     Keep honking, I'm reloading. 

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