Today's jokes [5.6.19]
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The external organs of a body were fighting over who should be boss.
The brain said, "I should be boss, since I control what the person
The hands said, "I should be boss because I do almost everything for the
The legs declared, "I shuld be boss since I carry the body and all the
weight is on me."
So they went on, each stating their qualities and uses.
Then the Asshole spoke up, "I think I should be boss, because.."
He had not finished when everyone else started laughing at him. "You, an
asshole, be the boss? You gotta be kidding!"
The asshole was very unhappy, and he closed himself up.
The body soon suffered a terrible constipation, and the organs could not
take it anymore. "Ok, ok, you're the boss!" they gave
in. So the asshole became the boss of the body.
The moral of the story: You don't need brains to be a boss, you just need
to be an asshole.
A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market
looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster,
one that could service all of his many hens.
He told this to the market vendor. The vendor replied, "I have just
the rooster for you". Dom here is the horniest rooster you will ever
So the farmer took Dom back to the farm. Before setting him loose in
the henhouse though, he gave Dom a little pep talk.
"Dom", he said, "I'm counting on you to do your stuff."
And without a word Dom strutted into the henhouse. Dom was as fast as
he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much
squawking and many feathers flying, till Dom had finished having his
way with each hen.
But Dom didn't stop there. He went in to the barn and mounted all the
horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to
the pighouse, where he did the same.
The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, "Stop,
Dom,you'll kill yourself."
But Dom continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner.
Well, the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Dom lying there
on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and
his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Dom.
The farmer walked up to Dom saying, "Oh you poor thing, look what you
did, you've gone and killed yourself. I warned you my little buddy."
"Shhhhh," Dom whispered. "The buzzard's getting closer."
A young girl goes to the gynecologist and he examines her.
He says,"You have acute vaginitis."
She says "Thank you."
Age HOUSE PET
17 Muffy the cat
25 Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat
35 Irish setter and Muffy the Cat
48 Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat
66 Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs
Muffy the Cat
Some beauty parlors do a great job.
One young man followed a young woman
for twenty blocks. Then he found out
it was his grandmother.
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