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Today's jokes [5.4.19]

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How can you tell if an Irishman is present at a cock fight?
He enters a duck.
How can you tell if a Pole is present? 
He bets money on the duck.
How can you tell if an Italian is present?
The duck wins. 

1. 




What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.

2. 




How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

How many can you afford? 


3. 




Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
 
1. No mind
2. No business. 

4. 




An old man goes to the doctor and says "Dr., I don't know what's wrong
with me.  My dick is orange."
The  Dr. tells him to pull down his pants and let him take a look.  He
has no idea what is wrong so he asks the guy if he has recently painted
anything orange.
The old man said "No."
The Dr. thinks for a minute and then asks the guy if he has recently
been exposed to any chemicals at work.
The old man said "No, I'm retired."
The Dr. then asks the guy if he could have been working with any
chemicals in his garage.
The old man replied "No Dr., I told you, I'm retired.  All I do is sit
around all day, watch pornos and eat Cheetos...



5. 



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