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Today's jokes [5.2.19]

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   A little boy walks up to his father and says, "Dad, what does a pussy
   look like?"
   Father responds, "well son, before or after sex?"
   Son, "Well, before?"
   Father, "picture a tulip with all the petals son."
   Son, "well what about after?"
   Father, "Picture a bull dog eating mayonnaise!"
   


1. 




A man goes into the doctor's office feeling really bad. After a thorough 
examination the doctor calls him into his office and says "I have some bad 
news. You have HAGS." "What is HAGS" the man asks. "It's herpes, AIDS,
gonorrhea, and syphilis" says the doctor. "Oh my God" says the man. "What 
are you going to do?"
"We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and 
pizza." "Is that going to help me" says the man. "No" says the doctor. 
"But it's the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door"



2. 




   A man goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says
   "I'll bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument
   that this octopus CAN'T play' The people in the bar
   look around, and someone fetches out an old guitar.
   The octopus has a look,picks it up, tunes the string,
   and starts playing the guitar.The octopus' owner
   pockets the $50 Next, a guy comes up with a trumpet.
   The octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks
   it's lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy
   pockets yet another $50. The bar owner has been watching
   all of this and disappears to the back. He comes back
   a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm.
   He puts them on the bar and says to the guy and his
   octopus, ' Now, if your octopus can play THAT, I'll give
   you $100. The octopus takes a long hard look at the
   bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, has yet another
   look from a different angle. Puzzled, the octopus' owner
   comes over and says 'What are you waitin for? Hurry up
   and play that damn thing!
   The octopus says, 'Play it? Hell if I can work out how
   to get it's pajamas off, I'm gonna screw it!!
   


3. 




Q: Why do women have arms?
A: Have you any idea how long it would
   take to LICK a bathroom clean? 


4. 




   A guy runs out of a Las Vegas hotel and says to a stranger, "Can you
   loan me two hundred bucks? My wife had a terrible accident."
   
   The stranger says, "If you need two hundred dollars, what are you
   using to gamble with?"
   
   The guy replies, "Oh, I've got gambling money."
   


5. 



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