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Today's jokes [5.14.19]

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At a dinner party, one of the guests, an obnoxiously loud young 
man, tried to make clever remarks about everyone and 
everything.

When he was served a piece of meat, he picked it up with his 
fork, held it up and smirked: 'Is this pig?'

Another guest, sitting opposite, asked quietly: 'Which end of 
the fork are you referring to?'

1. 




This guy is walking through Chinatown and sees a building with a
sign "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry."  "Hans Olaffsen?", he thinks. "How in
the world does that fit in here?"

So, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sitting
in the corner.  The visitor asks, "How in the world did this place
get a name like Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?"

The old man answers "Is name of owner."

The visitor asks "Well, who is the owner?"

"I am he," answers the old man.

"You?  How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?"

The old man replies, "Many years ago when I come to this country, I
was standing in line at Documentation Center.  Man in front of me
was big blonde Swede.  Lady look at him and go, "What your name?" He
say, " Hans Olaffsen."  She look at me say, "What your name?"  I say,
"Sam Ting."

2. 




On Jeopardy...

TREBEK: The category is "Political Subversion".  The answer is: This
entity is dedicated to the destruction of religion, morality, and the
American way of life.
PLAYER: What is the KGB?
TREBEK: Be more specific.
PLAYER: What is PBS?
TREBEK: Right!

3. 




A very drunk man in a bar tells the bartender and everyone that is
sitting near him that he can fart out the tune to The Star Spangelled Banner!
Everyone who hears this wants to see him do it. So he tells everyone to
gather around him, then he climbs up on the bar, drops his trousers and 
proceeds to take a massive dump on the bar counter. After he
finishes the disgusted bartender says "Why in the hell did you shit on my
bar?" The drunk replies "Even Elvis had to clear his throat!"

Sent by Paul

4. 




A couple just moved into hotel. And the hotel clerk asks the 
man after helping him with his luggage.

- Anything else? 

- NO, thanks, 

- Maybe, your wife needs something ? 

- Oh, yeah. Thank you for your reminder. Do you sell greeting 
cards ? 

5. 



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