Today's stories [4.1.19]
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Some real headlines
"Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Times in 10 Years"
"Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One"
"War Dims Hope for Peace"
"If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While"
"Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures"
"Deer Kill 17,000"
"Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide"
"Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges"
"Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead"
"Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge"
"In a rare lapse of generosity, the NCAA has decided college
athletes can get jobs. This statement was sent via ship-to-shore
cable from the NCAA yacht SS TV Revenue anchored off Monte Carlo."
"Athletes just can't make it anymore on what alumni give them," says Alan Ray.
A LITTLE-KNOWN CHRISTMAS FACT:
One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was
getting ready for his annual trip ... but there were problems
Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not
produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to
feel the pressure of being behind schedule.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit.
This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the
reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give
birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and
the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.
So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he
went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the liquor
and there was nothing to drink.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all
over the kitchen floor.
He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the
straw it was made from. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed
on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little
angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa.
Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't
it just a lovely tree?
Where would you like me to stick it?"
Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the
Sent by Neicey
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