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Today's jokes [4.7.19]

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A woman participating in a survey was asked
how she felt about condoms. 

She said, "Depends on what's in it for me." 


This guy was driving down the highway and was pulled over
by the cops.  The cop asked the man for his name and the
guy replied, "Earl."

"You got a last name, Earl?"

"Nope.  It's a long story, Officer."

"I got time."

Earl sighs and says, "Well, Officer, at first I was known as
Earl Doo-Daa.  I was going to school to become a doctor, and
I did, so I was known as Earl Doo-Daa, MD.  I got bored just
being a doctor so I went to dental school, graduated, and 
became Earl Doo-Daa, M.D., D.D.  After a little more time I 
fooled around with this girl and got VD.  So I was known as
Earl Doo-Daa, MD, DD, with VD.  When the medical board
found out about my VD they took away my MD so I was known
as Earl Doo-Daa, DD with VD.  The dentistry board also found
out about the VD and took away my DD making me Earl 
Doo-Dah with VD.  Finally, the VD took away my Doo-Dah so
I'm now just Earl."


The Arkansas lad was obviously deeply troubled.
"Why so glum, Chum?" asked the kindly stranger.
"If my parents get divorced...will they still be brother and sister?"


An extremely drunk man looking for a whorehouse stumbles
into a Podiatrist's office instead and weaves over to the
Without looking up, she waves him over to the examination
bed and says, "Stick it through that curtain."
Looking forward to something kinky, the drunk pulls out his
penis and sticks it through the crack in the curtains.
"That's not a foot!" screams the nurse on duty.
"Holy shit, lady!" the drunk exclaims, "I never knew you had
a minimum!"


What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer


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