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Today's jokes [4.14.19]

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Some women are gathered and the subject of conversation 
turns to sex and then birth control. The first woman says 
"We're Catholic so we can't use it."

The next woman says "I am too but we use the rhythm 
method."

The third woman says "We use the bucket and saucer 
method."

"What the heck is the bucket and saucer method?", the others 
ask.

"Well, I'm five foot eleven... and my husband is five foot two. We 
make love standing up with him standing on a bucket, and 
when his eyes get big as saucers I kick the bucket out from 
under him."

1. 




Boyfriend: Do you smoke after sex?

Girlfriend: Dunno, I've never looked 

2. 




A little boy is standing at the side of a river, weeping.
His tears are streaming down his cheeks.
An elderly lady passes by and feels pity for him.
"What is the matter, young boy? Why are you crying?"
"It's mean!", the boy sniffed, "My daddy drowned all four
little kittens we had yesterday!"
"That's awful indeed !", the lady replied angrily, "Your
father is a real bastard!'
"Yes", said the little boy, "He had promised to me that
I could do it."

3. 




   A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the woman behind the counter, "Is
   there a male pharmacist available?"
   
   "No" she says, "My sister and I own this place and we are both
   pharmacists. How can we help you?"
   
   The man steps back, opens his coat revealing this rather large bulge
   in the front of his pants and says, "Its been like this for 7 days
   now, can you give me anything for it?"
   
   "Hmmm", says the woman, "Let me go consult my sister."
   
   Moments later she returns and says, "OK, we'll give you $400 cash and
   a half interest in the pharmacy."
   


4. 




 year old man comes to his doctor looking depressed.
He says "Doc, I think I'm impotent." Doctor sits him
down and begins the standard speech he gives to senior
citizens, about how as the body ages bodily functions
slow down and it is completely normal to suffer some
decrease in sexual desire. How the man shouldn't worry
or become upset about it, but should just relax and
things will probably be completely fine and blah blah
blah. Finally the doctor asks "When did you first
begin to think you were impotent?"

"Three times last night, and again this morning." 

5. 



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