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Today's jokes [4.10.19]

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Some people are sitting in a bar when one guy says, "My 
name is Larry, and I am a SNAG."

Another guy says, "What's that?"

The first guy says, "That means I am a Single, New Age Guy."

Another one says, "My name is Gary, and I am a DINK.

A girl asks, "What's that?"

He says, "That means I am a Double Income, No Kids."

A lady says, "That's nice. My name is Gertrude, and I am a 

Larry says, "A WIFE? What's a WIFE?"

She says, "That means, "Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."


There were two cows in a paddock, enjoying the sun and eating some grass. 
The first cow said "Moo."
And the second cow said "That's funny, I was just about to say that." 


What is the difference between en elephant and a plum?
An elephant is grey.

What does Jane say when she sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
"Look! A herd of plums in the distance" (Jane is colorblind)


How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? 

     - No one knows. Its never happened. 


Well the King's daughter was into her mid twenties,
and the king didn't want his princess to be an old maid.
The princess wasn't the most beautiful of women, and
wasn't having any luck finding a suitable husband. The
King finally decided to take matters into his own hand.

He had flyers printed up and posted all over the kingdom,
"who so ever wishes to marry the princess should appear at the
castle at noon, the following Sunday."

Only three suitors arrived at the castle. The king decided
to have a test to determine who would get his daughter's hand.
Each suitor would have to climb the castle wall, swim the moat,
and then have sex with one of the castle's cows. 

The first suitor didn't even make it over the wall.
The second suitor made it over the wall, but couldn't swim the moat.
The third suitor, climbed the wall, swam the moat, fucked the cow,
and wasn't even tired.
The king went up to him, and said "Congratulations, you are the only
one worthy enough to marry my daughter."
And the suitor replied, "Forget your daughter, I want your cow!" 


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