Today's jokes [3.3.19]
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
Jill, a love-starved spinster, was so desperate that she went to
a local newspaper office and inquired about putting an advertisement
in the 'Lonely Hearts' column.
"Well, madam," the assistant said, "we charge a minimum of $1 per
"You don't say," said the spinster "Well then, here's $20 and to hell
with the advertisement!"
Two newlyweds went on their honeymoon and were getting undressed
together for the first
time. He took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted
and discolored. "What
happened to you feet?" his wife asked. "I had a childhood disease
called tolio." "Don't you
mean polio?" "No, tolio, it only affects the toes." He then removed
his pants and revealed
an awful looking pair of knees. "What happened to your knees?" she
asked. "Well, I also
had kneesles." "Don't you mean measles?" "No, kneesles, it only
affects the knees." When
he removed his shorts his wife gasped and said, "Don't tell me, you
also had smallcox!"
Mr. John Hinkley St. Elizabeth Hospital Washington D.C.
Hillary and I just wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased
we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery.
In our country's new spirit of understanding and forgiveness, we want you
to know there is a bilateral consensus of compassion and forgiveness.
Therefore, we want you to know that no grudge is borne against you for
shooting President Reagan. We are well aware of how mental stress and pain
could have driven you to such an act of desperation.
Hillary and I are confident you will soon make a complete recovery, and
return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive
Bill Clinton President United States of America
P.S. Just thought you might like to know, Ken Starr is fucking Jodie
A man is driving down the freeway when he sees a sign that
says; "Get gas and free sex here". So obviously the guy was
interested, so he stopped, filled up went inside to pay.
"Pick a number from 1 - 10 to get free sex." said the cashier.
"Uh, okay, 3!" the man replied.
"Nope! Sorry play again".
So the guy drove around for weeks always getting gas at the
same place, because he wanted his free sex. One day he was
"This has got to be rigged! I have never gotten the number to
have free sex!" He screamed.
"Oh no! It's not rigged, just ask your wife, she won 3 times
last week alone!"
If Cray made toasters...
They would cost $16 million but would be faster than
any other single-slice toaster in the world, at least
for a couple of years.
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
3 4 5 6 7 8 9
10 11 12 13 14 15 16
17 18 19 20 21 22 23
24 25 26 27 28 29 30