Today's stories [2.9.19]
Vote for the story that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to story categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your story reading.
Modern parents believe toilet training should be an easy and
casual affair. Just let the child s*%# all over everything. This
prepares him or her for a brilliant career as a talk show host.
It used to be thought that children should act like "little
adults". Like many things that used to be thought, this is true. In
fact, now more than ever. Today's real adults are self-involved,
impulsive, inarticulate, and spend as much time as possible out
playing. They can't sit still, don't like to get dressed up, and hate
every kind of activity that requires self-restraint. Adults are the
children of today, and therefore children have to be adults because
there's only so much room in the world for kids.
he First Message From an Alien
Simply send 6 x 10^50 atoms of hydrogen to the star system
at the top of the list, cross off that star system, then put your
star system at the bottom of the list and send it to 100 other
star systems. Within one-tenth of a galactic rotation you will
receive enough hydrogen to power your civilization until entropy
reaches its maximum! IT REALLY WORKS!
Blondes Protective Computer Gear
Yesterday I came back to my office from Court. There was a new
secretary (a very attractive blonde) in the office down the hall from
She flagged me down and asked for help. "My floppy drive won't work,
can you help me ?" she asked. I told her I'd take a look and
proceeded over to her machine, where I found shredded up clear
plastic Baggie-like stuff hanging out of her 3.5" floppy drive.
While I spent the next 20 minutes getting out her disk and digging
out the plastic, I noticed two guys, John and Dave, in the hall
trying awfully hard to keep straight faces. Suspecting some mischief,
I asked her how the plastic got into the drive.
"Oh, you mean the condom!", she said. "Condom???", I asked. "Yes,
John & Dave over there told me to always put a condom on my disk
before inserting it, to prevent catching viruses."
By this point, John & Dave were roaring, and it was all I could do to
keep from joining them. The "condom" turned out to be a standard 3.5"
plastic sleeve. I delicately explained to her that a practical joke
had been played, and she shouldn't do that anymore, when she asked
(as serious as one could be), "Does that mean I don't have to stroke
it ten times or blow on it either???"
By voting you are helping select today's best story. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best stories to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's JokesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
3 4 5 6 7 8 9
10 11 12 13 14 15 16
17 18 19 20 21 22 23
24 25 26 27 28