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Today's jokes [2.11.19]

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Name:______________________________  SOCIAL SECURITY
No:____________________
ADDRESS:___________________________
CITY:__________________________________
STAFF ELEMENT:_____________________  HOME PHONE
No.:________________________
MALE:___________ FEMALE:___________  OFFICE PHONE
No.:______________________
SEXUAL PREFERENCE: Male - Female
                   Female - Female
                   Male - Male
                   All of the Above
                   None of the Above - Please Specify:
_____________________
I CONSENT TO THE FOLLOWING FORMS OF SEXUAL HARRASSMENT:
Salutatory Greeting: _____________________
Eye-to-Eye Contact: ______________________
Eye-to-Bust Contatct: ____________________
Eye-to-Below Waist Contact: ______________
Heavy breathing on neck: _________________
                   ear: __________________
                   other: ________________
Hands on body: ___________________________
         shoulder: _______________________
         waist: __________________________
         Gluteus Maximus: ________________
         other: __________________________
Feelies: _________________________________
Gropies: _________________________________
Penetration (however slight): ____________
Other: ___________________________________
All of the Above: ________________________
MISCELLANEOUS:  I WILL          I WILL NOT
1.  Assist in procurement of various potions, lotions, products,
appliances,
    etc. to be used during sexual harassment.
2.  Assist in procurement and maintenance of various types of substaining
    apparatus.
3.  Clean up.
I CERTIFY THAT I WILL ACCEPT SEXUAL HARASSMENT FROM:
Anyone: __________________________________
Anyone But: ______________________________
Only: ____________________________________
SIGNATURE: _______________________________________ DATE:
____________________
This form is to be reviewed by immediate supervisor annually, prior to
performance rating and evaluation.

1. 




Ed and Ted met for the first time in twenty years. "So, how's life been 
for you?" Ed asked.
"Not too good," Ted replied. "My first wife died of cancer, my second wife 
turned out to be a lesbian and ran off with another woman and took all our 
savings, my son's in prison for trying to kill me, my daughter got run 
over by a bus, my house was hit by a low-flying aircraft, my vintage car 
rolled off the dockside into the sea, I had to have my dog put down 
recently, my doctor says that I have an incurable disease and to cap it 
all my business has just gone bust."
"Oh dear, that sounds terrible." Ed said. "What business were you in?"
"I sell lucky charms," said Ted.

2. 




I think my wife is getting a little nearsighted.
I woke up this morning, she was sucking on the bedpost.

3. 




Three nuns went to a cucumber stand in an open market one day.
They asked how much the cucumbers were. The merchant said that
they were 4 for a dollar. The nuns said okay.
The puzzled merchant asked why they needed four cucumbers when
there were only three of them.
A nun answered back, "Well, we could alway eat one." 

4. 




What is It?

                    Bush has a short one. Gorbachev has a long one. 
                    Maddona does not have one. And a priest does not 
                    use his. What is it?

                    A Last name

5. 



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