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Today's jokes [11.9.19]

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What do they call condoms in Germany?

Weinerhosen 

1. 




A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, who comes in on a
fairly regular basis. 

After the second week, he made his move. "No thank you," she said
politely." 

"This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping
myself pure until I meet the man I love." 

"That must be rather difficult," the man replied. 

"Oh, I don't mind too much," she said. "But, it has my husband
pretty upset."



2. 




An Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman, an Aussie, an Abo, a Yank, an 
African, an elephant, a refrigerator, two blondes, a homosexual, three 
social workers, a Jew, a crocodile and a kiwi all walked into a bar.
The bartender turned around and said, "Is this some kind of a joke?"


3. 




A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for
their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on
that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked
the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in
front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck
your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you
thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

4. 




A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a 
number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they 
are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to 
undress. 

After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and 
says, "See that, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She 
begins to drool. 

The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder's pose, and 
says, referring to his bulging thighs, "See those, baby? That's 
1000 pounds of dynamite!" She is aching for action at this 
point. 

Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she 
grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door. 

He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, "Why are 
you in such a hurry to go?" 

She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short 
fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"

5. 



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