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Today's jokes [10.6.19]

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Understanding Your Paycheck



GROSS PAY: $1222.02

INCOME TAX      OUTGO TAX       STATE TAX       INTERSTATE TAX  COUNTY TAX
  244.40          45.21           61.10            5.89           6.11

CITY TAX        RURAL TAX       BACK TAX        FRONT TAX       SIDE TAX
  12.22           4.44            1.11            1.16            1.61

UP TAX          DOWN TAX        KNICKNACK TAX   HACKENSAC TAX   THUMBTAX
  2.22            1.11            1.98            3.93            0.98

CARPET TAX      SNACK TAX       SURTAX          MA'AM TAX       PARKING FEE
  0.69            8.32            3.46            3.46            5.00

NO PARKING FEE  F.I.C.A.        T.G.I.F.        LIFE INS.       HEALTH INS.
  10.00           81.88           9.95            5.85            16.23

DISABILITY INS. ABILITY INS.    LIABILITY INS.  DENTAL INS.     MENTAL INS.
  2.50            0.25            3.41            4.50            4.33

FUNDAMENTAL INS COFFEE          COFEE CUPS      CALENDAR RENTAL FLOOR RENTAL
  0.11            6.85          66.51              3.06           16.85

CHAIR RENTAL    DESK RENTAL     UNION DUES      UNION DON'TS    CASH ADVANCES
  4.32            4.32            5.85             3.77            0.69

CASH RETREATS   OVERTIME        UNDERTIME       EASTERN TIME    CENTRAL TIME
  121.35          1.26             54.83           9.00            8.00

MOUNTAIN TIME   PACIFIC TIME    DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME   TIME OUT
  7.00            6.00                 4.44               12.21

OXYGEN          WATER           ELECTRICITY     HEAT    AIR CONDITIONING
 10.02          16.54             38.23         51.42        46.83

MISC
169.24


TAKE HOME PAY: $0000.02



1. 




Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag
at you, what have you done wrong? 

A: Made her chain too long. 


2. 




Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
A: Butter is difficult to spread.

3. 




Why do female parachutists wear tampons?
 So they don't whistle on the way down...


4. 




   On the eve of the couple's tenth wedding anniversary, the still slim
   wife was bragging about her figure. "You know honey," she said, "I can
   still get into the skirts I had before we were married."
   
   "Yeah ?" the husband replied as he turned his attention back to the
   ball game on TV. "I wish to hell I could."


5. 



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