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Today's jokes [10.2.19]

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Psychiatrist: What is wrong with your brother?
Sister: He thinks he's a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has be been acting like a chicken?
Sister: Three years. We would have come in sooner, but we needed the eggs.

1. 




The new Ensign was assigned to subs, where he'd dreamed
of working since a young boy.  He was trying to impress
the Master Chief with his expertise learned in Sub School.

The Master Chief cut him off quickly and said, "Listen, 'sir',
it's real simple.  Add the number of times we dive to the 
number of times we surface.  Divide that number by two.
If the result doesn't come out even, don't open the hatch."

2. 




A hopeful suitor dropped into a computer-dating center and
registered his qualifications. He wanted someone who enjoyed
water sports, liked company, favored formal attire, and was
very small. The computer operated faultlessly. It sent him a
penguin. 

3. 




Her father was very angry when he heard that his twenty year
old daughter had hitch hiked all alone, all the way from San
Francisco to Washington. 

"For gods sake!" he screamed, "Someone could have attacked you
and raped you!" 

"I wasn't ever in no danger at all", she said, trying to calm him
down. "As soon as someone gave me a ride, I said I was going to
Washington, because thats where they have the best treatment for
sexually transmitted diseases." 

4. 




What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?

1 U.S. leader 


5. 



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