Today's jokes [9.8.18]
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What's the difference between a duck and a cow?
They both swim, except for the cow.
A Friend's Prayer
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who
screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.
Have you all stopped to think where you fit in this equation? From a
strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this: What makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people
who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over
100%. How about achieving 103%? Here¡¯s a little mathematical formula that
might help you answer these questions:
If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented
as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you:
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = a whopping 118%!!!!
So one can then conclude with mathematical certainty that:
While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close and Attitude will
get you there, Bullsh*t and Ass Kissing will put you over the top!
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until
one night he came home sober....
A fellow's wife was very worried about her husband's heavy drinking and
one night she decided to give him a fright. She draped herself in a white
sheet and went down to the local cemetery, knowing that her husband was
in the habit of taking a shortcut through it on his way home from the
pub. It was not long before he came staggering along, and out she jumped
from behind a headstone. "Ooooooo!" she wailed, "I am the Devil!"
He sticks out his hand..."Put it there, pal," he says, "I am married to
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