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Today's jokes [9.5.18]

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While they were taking up the collection, John leaned forward and said, 
"Hey, Marie, how about you and me go to dinner next Friday?" 
"Why Yes, John, that would be nice," said Marie. 

Well, John couldn't believe his luck. All week long he polished up his 
car, and on Friday he picked up Marie and took her to dinner, the 
finest restaurant in Raleigh. When they sat down, John looked over at 
Marie said, "Hey, Marie, would you like a cocktail before dinner?" 

"Oh, no, John, "said Marie. "What would I tell my Sunday School class?" 

Well, John was setback a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner. 
Then he reached in his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. 
"Hey, Marie," said John, "Would you like a smoke?" 

"Oh, no, John," said Marie. "What would I tell my Sunday School class?" 

Well, John was feeling pretty low after that, so he just got in his car 
and was driving Marie home when they passed the Holiday Inn. He'd 
struck out twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose. 

"Hey, Marie," said John, "how would you like to stop at this motel with 

"Sure, John, that would be nice," said Marie. 

Well, John couldn't believe his luck. He did a U-turn right then and 
there across the median and everything, and drove back to the motel and 
checked in with Marie. 

The next morning John got up first. He looked at Marie lying there in 
the bed. 

"What have I done? What have I done?" thought John. 

He shook Marie and she woke up. "Marie, I've got to ask you one thing, 
said John. "What are you going to tell your Sunday School class?" 

Marie said, "The same thing I always tell them......... You don't have 
to smoke and drink to have a good time.


Definition of bad lover:

An earthquake occurs during sex. Afterwards he asks the woman if she felt 
the earth move. She says no.


What's the difference between a blonde and a light bulb?

Well, the light bulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.


The Seven Most Important Men in a Woman's Life

The Doctor - who tells her to "take off all her clothes." 
The Dentist - who tells her to "open wide." 
The Milkman - who asks her "do you want it in the front or the back?" 
The Hairdresser - who asks her "do you want it teased or blown?" 
The Interior Designer - who tells her "once it's inside, you'll LOVE it!" 
The Banker - who insists to her "if you take it out too soon, you'll lose 
The Primal Hunter - who always goes deep into the bush, always shoots 
twice, always eats what he shoots, but keeps telling her "Keep quiet and 
lie still!" 


What is white and flies across the sky? 

                 The coming of the Lord.


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