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Today's jokes [9.13.18]

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The Pope calls a meeting of all the cardinals. When they have all 
assembled at the Vatican, he takes them into the meeting hall and 
states, "I have some really fantastic news and some very terrible news." 
Of course, all the cardinals want to hear the good news first, so the 
Pope tells them, "Jesus Christ has returned to the world. The time of 
judgement is at hand, and our faith in his existence is justified."

After the commotion dies down a bit, one of the cardinals speaks up, 
asking what the terrible news is. The Pope replies, "He was calling
from Salt Lake City."

1. 




What do true rednecks do on Halloween? 

- Pump kin.

2. 




"My girl, Ginger, is going to die of syphilis," mumbles an angry
biker to one of his buddies. 

"No," says the friend, "people don't die of syphilis anymore." 

The angry biker replies, "They do when they give it to me!"

3. 




A woman asks: "Why don't men get mad cow disease?"

Another woman replies: "Because men are pigs!"

4. 




The handsome American strode into a department store in Paris, France, 
and headed straight for the lingerie counter. He intently studied the 
array of lacy underthings and the sales lady bustled over to him.

"Do you have something in mind?" she asked.

"I certainly do, ma'am," the American emphatically replied.
"That's why I want a nice gift."

5. 



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