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Today's jokes [9.12.18]

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There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful 
teenage daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son 
they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife finally 
became pregnant, and sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine 
months later. 

The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son. He 
took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever 
seen. 
 
He went to his wife and said that there was no way he could be 
the father of that child. 

 
"Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!" Then he gave her 
a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?" 

The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time"! 

1. 




A young woman on a rough Atlantic crossing was in her cabin undressing 
then suddenly she was overcome by sea sickness. In a panic she rushed 
into the corridor and headed for the bathroom. It was not until she 
collided with an elderly gentleman that she realized she didn't have a 
stitch of clothing on.

Horrified, she let out a shriek.

Her fellow sufferer looked at her sadly. "Don't let it bother you,
miss," he moaned. "I'll never live to tell anyone."

2. 




What is the difference between roast beef and pea soup? 

Eveybody can roast beef.

3. 




What's the difference between women and men?

One has morning sickness, the other has morning stiffness.

4. 




Two blondes are passing by a fruit shop when the grocer calls to 
them, "Bananas! 50 cents each or three for a dollar!"

The girls stop and look at each other. "Well I suppose we could always 
eat the third one!"

5. 



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