Today's jokes [7.10.18]
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why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
breasts don't have eyes
I recently tried some of these new 'flavoured' condoms. I bought one of
each flavour they had, and tried each one in turn every time i got a shag.
My girlfriend likes to lick each one before i insert it in her, just to
see what flavour i was wearing.
The first night she said "Mmmmm, Cherry flavour",
The second night she said "Mmmmm, Mint flavour",
The third night she said "Mmmmm, Strawberry flavour",
and so on, until we had reached the final flavour,
and she said "Mmmmm, Cheese flavour"
"Cheese flavour ??" i said "I haven't put one on yet!"
Two men were talking to each other about how pussy taste.
The first guy said"I think it taste like cherry pie".The
other guy said "I think it taste like shit".Then
the first guy said "you are supposed to turn her over".
Sent by Don Chamberlin
Do-It-Yourself Country-Western Song
I met her __________ _____; I can still recall _________
(1) (2) (3)
1. 2. 3.
on the highway in September that purple dress
in Sheboygan at McDonald's that little hat
outside Fresno ridin' shotgun that burlap bra
at a truck stop wrestlin' gators those training pants
on probation all hunched over the stolen goods
in a jail cell poppin' uppers that plastic nose
in a nightmare sort of pregnant the Stassin pin
incognito with joggers the neon sign
in the Stone Age stoned on oatmeal that creepy smile
in a treehouse with Merv Griffin the hearing aid
in a gay bar dead all over the boxer shorts
she wore; She was ______ _____,
sobbin' at the toll booth in the twilight
drinkin' Dr. Pepper but I loved her
weighted down with Twinkies by the off-ramp
breakin' out with acne near Poughkeepsie
crawlin' through the prairie with her cobra
smellin' kind of funny when she shot me
crashin' through the guardrail on her elbows
chewin' on a hangnail with Led-Zeppelin
talkin' in Swahili with Miss Piggy
drownin' in the quicksand with a wetback
slurpin' up linguini in her muu-muu
and I knew _______; _______ I'd ______ forever;
(6) (7) (8)
6. 7. 8.
no guy would ever love her more I promised her stay with her
that she would be an easy score I knew deep down warp her mind
she'd bought her dentures in a store She asked me if swear off booze
that she would be a crashing bore I told her shrink change my sex
I'd never rate her more than "4" The judge declared punch her out
they'd hate her guts in Baltimore My Pooh Bear said live off her
it was a raven, nothing more I shrieked in pain have my rash
we really lost the last World War The painters knew stay a dwarf
I'd have to scrape her off the floor A Klingon said hate her dog
what strong deodorants were for My hamster thought pick my nose
that she was rotten to the core The blood test showed play "Go Fish"
that I would upchuck on the floor Her rabbi said salivate
She said to me ____; But who'd have thought she'd _____
our love would never die run off
there was no other guy wind up
man wasn't meant to fly boogie
that Nixon didn't lie yodel
her basset hound was shy sky dive
that Rolaids made her high turn green
she'd have a swiss on rye freak out
she loved my one blue eye blast off
her brother's name was Hy make it
she liked "Spy vs. Spy" black out
that birthdays made her cry bobsled
she couldn't stand my tie grovel
___________; _________ goodbye.
with my best friend You'd think at least that she'd have said
in my Edsel I never had the chance to say
on a surfboard She told her fat friend Grace to say
on "The Gong Show" I now can kiss my credit cards
with her dentist I guess I was too smashed to say
on her "Workmate" I watched her melt away and sobbed
with a robot She fell beneath the wheels and cried
with no clothes on She sent a hired thug to say
at her health club She freaked out on the lawn and screamed
in her Maytag I pushed her off the bridge and waved
with her guru But that's the way that pygmies say
while in labor She sealed me in the vault and smirked
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
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