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Today's quotes [6.3.18]

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What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? 

     - W.C. Fields 

1. 




"Trying" is the first step toward failure 

              - Homer Simpson 

2. 




"I've even seen adverts for an Australian beer called 'Castlemaine F*ck'. At
 least, I assume that's what it's called - the hoarding adverts say things like
 'Australians wouldn't give a XXXX for anything else' and so on. I wonder how
 anyone brings themselves to order such a thing. ;-)"
                        -- Jo Walton, in rec.arts.sf.written (found in
                                alt.humor.best-of-usenet)


3. 




Seen on a bumper sticker...

    Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an idiot! 

4. 




"In Russia we only had two TV channels.
Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two
consisted of a KGB officer telling you:
Turn back at once to Channel One." 

Yakov Smirnoff. 

5. 



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