Today's jokes [6.8.18]
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
Q: Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men?
A: It changes their blood type.
one time in my undergrad days, it was snowing like mad
out. someone decided it was time a make a snowball. then
someone else suggested that we should put this snowball in
this one guy's room-- nobody liked this guy-- so when the
word got around, half the people in our dorm section came
out and help! we got this sucker so BIG that it must be
at least 4 feet in diameter. it took about 6 person to haul
the darn thing up 3 flights of stairs. we got the snowball
into this guy's room while he was out, turn off the heat in
the room and left all the windows open, so the snowball
won't melt too fast. well... the turkey came back 3 hours
later and found a HUGH snowball sitting in the middle of his
room, and started melting! I still have the picture of the
snowball. (if you really wonder how big the snowball is,
just imagine a snowball the size of a normal dinning room
How to Hunt Elephants -- Comp Sci Style
Computer scientists hunt elephants using algorithm A:
1. Go to Africa
2. Start at the Cape of Good Hope
3. Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the
continent alternately East and West.
4. During each traverse
a. Catch each animal seen
b. Compare each animal caught to a known elephant
c. Stop when a match is detected.
Experienced computer programmers modify Algorithm A by
placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the
algorithm will terminate.
Sent by Alex
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up
your things. I just won the California lottery!"
Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"
The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the
house by noon!"
The weather was very hot and this man wanted desperately
to take a dive in a nearby lake. He didn't bring his swimming
outfit, but who cared? He was all alone. So he undressed and
got into the water.
After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old
ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got
out of the water and grabbed a bucket lying in the sand nearby.
He held the bucket in front of his private parts and sighed with
The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and
wanted to move. Then one of the ladies said: 'You know , I have
a special gift, I can read minds.'
'Impossible', said the embarrassed man, 'You really know what
'Yes', the lady replied, 'Right now, I bet you think that the
bucket you're holding has a bottom.'
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
3 4 5 6 7 8 9
10 11 12 13 14 15 16
17 18 19 20 21 22 23
24 25 26 27 28 29 30