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Today's stories [5.17.18]

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A baffled British woman who lost a mobile phone dialed the number and 
heard it ringing inside her friend's dog.

Rachel Murray, 27, had left the cellphone under her Christmas tree as a 
surprise gift for her flatmate, The Sun newspaper reported on Friday. 

But chum Tony Dangerfield's bloodhound Charlie crept into the room and 
greedily wolfed down the mobile phone, leaving only a pile of torn paper.

After a frantic search for the phone, Murray obtained the number from the 
telephone company, dialed and heard muffled ringing from sleeping 
Charlie's stomach.

"At first I thought Charlie was lying on the phone -- then I realized 
where it was," she said. "I couldn't believe he'd swallowed it."

The dog was rushed to a vet, who advised Murray and Dangerfield to let 
nature take its course. 

Twenty four hours later the phone duly emerged -- in perfect working 
order.

1. 




Hello, my name is Antonio and I suffer from the guilt of not forwarding
50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe
that if you send them on, a poor 6-year-old girl in Arkansas with a
breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it
removed before her redneck parents sell her to a traveling freak show.
    
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you, and
everyone to whom you send "his" e-mail, $1000?

    
LOL...How stupid are we?
    
"Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll
get laid by a handsome hunk  I just happen to run into the next day!"
    
LOL...What a bunch of bullshit.
    
Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my house and
sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing a chain letter that was 
started by Peter in 5 AD and brought to this country by midget pilgrims 
on the Mayflower.
    
RIGHT...Fuck them.
    
If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly
amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 10 of your closest friends,
and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive
a nickel from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times.
    
I don't Fucking care.
    
    
The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave
you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. IF ITS 
FUNNY SEND IT ON.
    
I DO NOT FEEL GUILTY feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth
who has been tied to the ass of a dead elephant for 27 years and whose
only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward 
this e-mail.
    
Now, forward this to everyone you know.
    
Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and
will consume your genitals.
    
Have a nice day and if you ever send me another chain letter,
I'll personally send you a virus that will not only make your hard
drive crash but will make your ass fall off.

2. 




William B. Singleton, 24, just released from jail in Belton, Mo., on a 
larceny charge, allegedly broke into a vending machine in the lobby of 
the police station and stole a 60-cent Strawberry Twisteroo while he 
waited for his ride to arrive. 

3. 



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