Today's jokes [5.8.18]
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There once was a priest who had to spend the night in a hotel
and offered hat check girl to come up to his room for dinner.
After a while he started advancing on her when she stopped him
and reminded him he was a holy man.
"It's O.K.," he replied, "it's written in the Bible."
So after a wild night of you-know-what the hat check girl asked
to see where in the Bible it says it's okay.
The priest picks up the Bible off the dresser opens to the
first page where someone wrote in pencil - "The hat check girl
There were two people having sex in a car. They finished up
and the guy thew the comdom out the window. His girlfriend got
mad at him she wanted to go again. So he got out of the car
and went to find the condom.
He found that a little boy had found it and when he asked for
it back the boy refused. "C'mon" he begged, "I'll give u a dollar."
"Well," little boy thought, "Okay."
So the little boy ran home. "Mom, you'll never guess what just
what just happened! I sold this guy a twinky for a dollar, but I
tricked him. I sucked the cream out of it first!"
Osama Cave Memo
Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours, but we've really come
together as a group, and I love that. Big thanks to Omar for putting
up the poster that says "There is no I in team," as well as the one that
says "Hang In There, Baby." That cat is hilarious.
However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of
the cave. And frankly, I have a few concerns.
First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we
should be even more concerned about the scorpions in our cave. Hey, you
don't want to be stung and neither do I, so we need to sweep the cave
daily. I've posted a sign-up sheet near the main cave opening.
Second, it's not often I make a video address, but when I do, I'm trying
to scare the most powerful country on earth, okay? That means that while
we're taping, please do not ride your razor scooter in the background.
Just while we're taping. Thanks.
Third point, and this is a touchy one. As you know, by edict, we're not
supposed to shave our beards. But I need everyone to just think hygiene,
especially after mealtime. We're all in this together.
Fourth: food. I bought a box of Cheez-Its recently, clearly wrote "Osama"
on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, my Cheez-Its were gone.
Consideration. That's all I'm saying.
Finally, we've heard that there may be American soldiers in disguise
trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for
First patrol will be Omar, Muhammed, Abdul, Akbar, and Richard.
Love you lots.
A psychology student at a local university was sent on a field
assignment to evaluate three patients in a local mental hospital.
The first patient was locked in his room throwing tennis balls
everywhere. The student asked why, and the patient answered
"When I get out of here I going to ba a tennis pro."
The second patient was locked in his room throwing baseballs
everywhere. When asked why he said "When I get out of here I
going to be a professional baseball player."
The student thought he was starting to get the hang of things,
until he looked in on the third patient. There locked in the
middle of the room was a naked man, masturbating with a peanut
on the end of his penis. The student asked, "I understand about
the others, but what are you going to be when you get out of here?"
"They're never going to let me out of here," the patient
said "I'm f**king nuts!"
THE MASTERCARD COMMERCIAL ALL MEN ARE WAITING FOR
Cover charge: $15.00
Round of drinks: $23.00
Table dance: $30.00
Another round of drinks: $23.00
Couch dance and tips: $50.00
A round of shots: $34.00
A Bottle of Dom and a Limo home: 125.00
Private dance in your hotel room: $300.00
Sending her on her way and never having to hear her complain:
For everthing else.... There's MasterCard
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