Today's jokes [5.3.18]
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
The priest was preparing a man for his long day's journey into night.
Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the Devil! Let him know
how little you think of his evil!"
The dying man said nothing.
The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing.
The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the Devil and his evil?"
The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I
ought to aggravate anybody!"
What about the blond guy whose wife gave birth to twins?
He wanted to know who the other man was...
God created the mule, and told him, 'you will be Mule, working
constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat
grass and you lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years.
The mule answered: 'To live like this for 50 years is too much.
Please, give me no more than 20.' And it was so.
Then God created the dog, and told him, 'you will hold vigilance
over the dwellings of Man, to him you will be his greatest companion. You
will eat his table scraps and live for 25 years.'
And the dog responded, 'Lord, to live 25 years as a dog is too much.
Please, no more than 10 years.' And it was so.
God then created the monkey, and told him, 'You are Monkey. You shall
swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny,
and you shall live for 20 years.'
And the monkey responded, 'Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the
world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years.'
And it was so.
Finally, God created Man and told him, 'You are Man, the only rational
being that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence to have
mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and
live for 20 years.
And the man responded, 'Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too
little. Please, Lord, give me the 20 years the mule refused, the 15 years
the dog refused, and the ten years the monkey rejected.' And it was so.
And so God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live
20 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back. Then, he
is to have children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house and
eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry then, in his old age, to live
10 years as a monkey, acting like a clown to amuse his grandchildren.
What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
"Look! they spelled MACY'S wrong.
You know what that little red dot means in the middle of an Indian woman's forehead?
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
1 2 3 4 5
6 7 8 9 10 11 12
13 14 15 16 17 18 19
20 21 22 23 24 25 26
27 28 29 30 31