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Today's stories [4.5.18]

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IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD

I live in a semi-rural area.  We recently had a new neighbor
call the local township administrative office to request the
removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.
The reason: Too many deer were hit by cars and he no longer
wanted them to cross there.

1. 




My wife used to have the habit of disbelieving something with 
the phrase "my ass!"  She would say "Four hundred dollars, 
my ass!" or "30 minutes late, my ass!"  One day a friend of 
mine and I were having a conversation, which she was listening 
to, and I said something like "...so it would be easy to 
penetrate.."  She chimed in... "Penetrate my ass!"  My friend 
and I laughed so long and hard we forgot what we were even 
talking about!  Needless to say, she doesn't say "my ass!" any 
more.

2. 




IDIOTS AT THE AIRPORT

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when
the airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your
baggage without your knowledge?"  I said, "If it was without my
knowledge, how would I know?"  He smiled and nodded knowingly,
"That's why we ask."

3. 



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