Today's jokes [4.6.18]
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Is Windows a Virus?
No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses (viri?) do:
1. They replicate quickly -- okay, Windows does that.
2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system
as they do so -- okay, Windows does that.
3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk -- okay,
Windows does that, too.
4. Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable
programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that, too.
5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too
slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, that's with
Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental
differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are
running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and
efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they
So, Windows is *not* a virus.
The 'Kentucky Fried Chicken' franchise has a new Bucket
of Chicken out. It's called the 'Hillary Clinton Bucket.'
It contains two small breasts and two large thighs.
One year at halloween the governor was giving a costume
party. All the gentry were there and as they arrived the
doorman would announce what there characters were.
When one couple arrived he announced "Mickey and Minnie
As the next couple arrived he announced "Tarzan and Jane"
and so on as each guest arrived.
Later in the evening a man arrived dressed only in a pair of
underpants but apart from that totally naked from head to toe.
"Who do you think you are?" demanded the doorman. Having
ascertained that the man was indeed an invited guest from the
local university CS department The doorman asked "How
shall I announce you?"
The man said, "I'm premature ejaculation"
"I'm very sorry sir", said the doorman in obvious shock, "I
cannot announce anything like that to such a gathering."
"O.K." said the professor. "Just say I came in my pants"
In a small Southern town there was a nativity scene that
indicated great skill and talent in its creation. One small feature
bothered me though. The three wise men were wearing
Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left.
At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind
the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage,
yelling at me, "You darn Yankees never do read the Bible!"
I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything
about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the
counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her
finger at a particular passage.
Sticking it in my face she said, "See, it says right here, 'The
three wise men came from afar.'"
Paddy was picked up on a rape charge. He was placed in a lineup
with ten other fellows and the accusing woman was escorted into
Paddy jumped forward, and screamed "That's her! That's her!
I'd recognize her anywhere!"
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