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Today's jokes [4.5.18]

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   1200 people attended the recent International Psychic Society
   conference.
   
   Moderator: "How many attendees believe in ghosts?"
   (Over 80% of the hands were raised)
   
   Moderator: "How many have actually seen a ghost?"
   (58% of the hands were raised)
   
   Moderator: "How many believe that a ghost can be solid?"
   (23% of the hands were raised)
   
   Moderator: "How many have ever physically touched a ghost?"
   (3% of the hands were raised)
   
   Moderator: "How many have ever had sex with a ghost?"
   (After some pause one lonely hand at the back of the hall went up)
   
   Moderator: "May I ask where you are from, sir?"
   Attendee: "I am from Australia."
   
   Moderator: "And you say you've had sex with a ghost?"
   
   Attendee: "Oh sorry! I thought you said "goat."
   


1. 




What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?

Your Honor.

2. 




There is 2 fags walking down the beach. They are holding hands and
kicking the sand with their feet. One happens to kick a lamp that is
lying buried in the sand. He pick it up and starts to clean it off.
All of a sudden a Genie comes out of the lamp.

Genie, " Man, I don't believe it. I have stuck in that bottle for 2
thousand years and  the first person to come along and find me is a
fag. I am suppose to give you 3 wishes but I just can't do it. I won't
even give you 2. I will give you one wish and that is it. What will it
be."

The 2 fags are excited about getting their wish but couldn't come up
with what they wanted to wish for on such short notice.

Fag1 says," Could you give us just a little time to think about it?  I
mean one wish we need a little time."

The Genie looks down and says, "Alright you can take as long as you
want but I am not going to stay here until you come up with it. I just
can't stand the sight of you two. Whenever youmake me your mind just
wish for it and it will done."

At that moment the Genie grabs his bottle and flys off into the sky.
Well the two fags decide that they will go back to the motel room and
decide on what they will wish for. Once they got back their emotions
took over and they starting doing all that fag stuff. 

Right as they were getting into it, the door of their room gets busted
down and 6 men in white sheets come in. They grab the fags and throw a
rope around their necks. 

Fag1 looks at Fag2 and says, " You know this might be a good time use
our wish."

Fag2 says, "I already made it."

Fag1 " What the hell did you wish for?"

Fag2  " Well, I wish that we were hung like two niggers."

3. 




The first engineer calls out to the other, "Hey--Nice bike!
   Where did you get it?" "Well," replies the other, "I was walking to
   class the other day when this pretty, young coed rides up on this
   bike. She jumps off, takes off all of her clothes, and says 'you can
   have ANYTHING you want!'" "Good choice," says the first guy, "her
   clothes wouldn't have fit you anyway.


4. 




Did you hear about Tempura House?
It's a shelter for lightly battered women.

5. 



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