Today's jokes [4.2.18]
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A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time.
Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window, "Pull over!"
"No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"
A young Jewish couple had only recently set up housekeeping when an
unfortunate incident occurred.
Early one morning, the wife, drowsy from bed, went to the toilet
for the morning's relief, and neglected to notice that the seat was up.
When she sat, she kept going!
She was just the right size and shape so that she became jammed
into the toilet past her waist with her legs sticking straight up in
front of her.
She cried for her husband, who rushed in, and for the next hour tried
desperately to extricate her.
In this process they removed her sleeping gown, but this only left her
naked and still stuck, with a particular part of her anatomy prominently
visible between her splayed legs.
Finally, the couple resolved to call a plumber,
despite the embarrassing nature of their problem.
When the plumber arrived, the young man let him in, but as they were
walking to the bathroom, the young man realized that his wife was
exposed in a very compromising and humiliating way.
Thinking fast, he ran ahead of the plumber and placed the first thing he
could think of, his yarmulke skull cap, over his wife's exposed
The plumber walked into the bathroom, took one long look, and commented:
"Well, I think I can save your wife, buddy, but the Rabbi's a goner."
A young girl sees her father in the shower and asks what his
testicles are. "Those are the Apples of the Tree of Life," he
tells her, by way of poetic concealment.
She tells this to her mother, who replies, "Did he say anything
about that dead branch they're hanging on?"
If god had wanted us to run around naked,
we would have been born that way.
Death row sing along
There was an inmate on death row, and he was scheduled to be put to death
by firing squad the next morning. Throughout the day, the prison guards
were being very nice to him.
But when they asked him if he wanted something specific for his last meal,
he didn't want anything special. When they asked if there was something
special he wanted to do, he said nothing. It went on like this all day.
Finally when he was put before the firing squad, the guard asked if he
wanted a cigarette and a blindfold. "No," the inmate said, "just get it
"Well, is there anything that I can do for you before you go?" said the
guard. "You didn't even want a special last meal!"
The inmate thought. "Actually," he said, "Music is my life. One thing I
would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time
through, with no interruptions." The guard nodded and told him to go
The inmate started..."One million bottles of beer on the wall......!"
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