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Today's jokes [3.9.18]

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Why did clinton follow the chicken across the road?                                                         be\
cause, he couldn't get his dick out of its ass.



The seven kinds of passionate women 

   1.The Optimist 
     - "Yes! Yes! Yes!" 

   2.The Pessimist 
     - "No! No! No!" 

   3.The Confused 
     - "Yes! No! Yes! No! Yes! Yes! No! No!" 

   4.The Asthmatic 
     - written rendition of gasping 

   5.The Sprinter 
     - "Faster! Agh! Faster! Faster!" 

   6.The Religious 
     - "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! 

   7.The Mathematician 
     - "More! More! More! More! 


A construction worker came home just in time to find his wife in bed with 
another man. So he dragged the man down the stairs to the garage and put 
his Wet Willy in a vise. He secured it tightly and removed the handle. 
Then he picked up a hacksaw. The man, terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! 
You're not going it off, are you???!?" The husband said, 
with a gleam of revenge in his eye, "Nope. You are. I'm going to set the 
garage on fire." 


A man rented a camel to make a trip to an important customer out in the 
desert. There was only one camel available, and it had one little problem, 
the guy told him. Periodically, this camel would stop and refuse to move 
until somebody beat it off. The man is desperate, so he decides he will go 
along with that. He sets off into the desert. Sure as hell, he has to beat 
off the camel every day for the first three days. On the fourth day, the 
camel stops again and refuses to move, so the guy gets down and prepares 
to do his duty, but the camel quickly steps aside. He tries again, And 
again. Finally in exasperation he walks in front of the camel and says 
"For Christ's sake, what do you want now?" The camel puckers up and makes 
little sucking noises.


Q: How did they know that Jesus was Jewish?
A: Because he lived at home until he was thirty, he went into his father's business, his mother
thought he was God, and he thought his mother was a virgin. 


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