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Today's jokes [3.3.18]

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As a result of an internal investigation, one of the Duty Officer's 
stunning, blonde staffers was transferred to an obscure base in 
Utah.

The woman reported to her new Commanding Officer and 
handed him her orders. He glanced at them and said, "Well 
Private, your duties here will be pretty much the same as your 
last assignment."

The girl sighed and said, "Yes Sir. I kind-of figured that. Will it 
be OK if I drape my uniform over this chair?"

1. 




Two blondes were facing each other with a lake between them. The first 
blonde wants to get to the other side so she yells to the otherblonde, 
"Hey! I want to get to the other side of the lake but I can't swim.
Please tell me how  you did this!"
The second blonde then  says, " But you ARE on the otherside!"

2. 




One day as Monica Lewinsky was walking along the beach awaiting her Senate 
trial testimony, she came upon an ornate bottle that had washed up on 
shore.  Curious, she picked it up, brushed off the sand, and lo and behold 
a genie popped out.
"Greetings, Miss Lewinsky," the genie said.  "Since you have released me, 
I will grant you one wish."
"Well," Monica replied, "I'm going to be on television alot for a while, 
and I want to look my best.  I wish you would get rid of these love 
handles."
"Your wish is my command," said the genie.  A wave of his hands, a puff of 
smoke...
And her ears promptly fell off.

3. 




What would you do if you had a condum with a hole
in it in one pocket, and a rattle snake in the other pocket? 

     I don't know either, but I do know that I wouldn't screw with either one of them. 

4. 




Q:What's another term for lesbian?
A:Vagitarian.


5. 



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