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Today's jokes [3.13.18]

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Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He says, "Hey Dad! What are 
you doin?" His father says, "I'm filling your mother's tank." Johnny says, 
"Oh, yeah? Well, you should get a model that gets better mileage. The 
milkman filled her this morning."


a quadruple amputee is waiting at the bus stop.The bus pulls up.Driver says
"alright John, how you getting on today?"


    A Blonde
   A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she
   decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
   She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and
   told him, "I've kidnapped you."
   She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow
   morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree
   next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A
   The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home
   to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and
   sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The
   Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said,
   "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"


A man walks into a jewellers shop, unzips his trousers and places
his tool upon the counter. The lady serving says: "I'm sorry Sir,
this is a clock shop not a cock shop." 

"Well, put two hands and a face on this." replies the man. 


There was a young man from Kent
Whose tool was exceedingly bent
He put it in double
To save himself trouble
Instead of coming he wen


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