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Today's jokes [2.2.18]

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A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband in bed with a 
lady midget. Upset and furious over his actions, the woman screams, "You 
promised me two weeks ago that you would never cheat on me again!" Trying
his best to calm her down, the husband turns to his wife and says, "Take 
it easy Dear, Can't you see I'm trying to taper off?"

1. 




How do you get a one armed MAN out of a tree?

Wave at him. 


2. 




Son : Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he 
told me to give up my seat to a lady.

Mum : Well, you have done the right thing.

Son : But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

3. 




What sits at the bottom of the bed and constantly takes the piss???

A kidney dialysis machine!


4. 




   You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out
   with the boys on Wednesday nites, and so does she.


5. 



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