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Today's jokes [2.14.18]

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Why can't you circumcise Iranians? 

    - There's no end to those pricks. 

1. 




An elephant walks up to a naked guy and says, "How do you breathe out of that thing?"

Sent by abu dahbi


2. 




Little Johnny goes up to his mother and asks, "Is God male or female?"
After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, "Well, honey, God is
both male and female."
This confuses Little Johnny, so he asks, "Is God black or white?"
"Well, God is both black and white."
This further confuses him so he asks, "Is God gay or straight?"
At this the mother is getting concerned, but answers nonetheless,
"Honey, God is both gay and straight."
At this Little Johnny’s face lights up with understanding and he 
triumphantly asks, "Mom, is God Michael Jackson?"

3. 




"Mr. Chilton," the analyst said, "I think this will be your last 
visit."

"Does that mean I'm cured?" he asked.

"For all practical purposes, yes," she said. "I think we can 
safely say that your kleptomania is now under control. You 
haven't stolen anything in two years, and you seem to know 
where the kleptomania came from."

"Well, that's terrific, Doctor. Before I go, I'd like to tell you 
something. Although our relationship is strictly professional, it's 
been one of the most rewarding of my life. I wish I could do 
something to repay you for helping me."

"You've paid my fee," the doctor said. "That's the only 
responsibility you have."

"I know," Chilton said. "But isn't there some personal favor I 
could do for you?"

"Well," the doctor said, "I'll tell you what. If you ever suffer a 
relapse, my son could use a nice portable color television."

4. 




How do you know when a redneck isn't wearing any underwear?

There's dandruff on his/her shoes.

5. 



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