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Today's jokes [2.13.18]

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"Cash, check or charge?" I asked after folding items the woman wished to
purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I notice a remote control for a
television set in her purse. "Do you always carry your TV remote?" I 
asked.
"No," she replied. "But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I
figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him."

1. 




The common symptoms of swine flu are: High fever, upset stomach, 
occasional cramps and an irresistible urge to fuck in the mud...

2. 




What do you do when you're finished fucking a ten year old girl?
A: Turn her over and pretend she's a ten year old boy!



3. 




A woman is laying on a gurney out in the hall prior to going to surgery. 
As she lays there, a man in white coat comes by, lifts up the sheet, and 
then leaves. This happens a second time. The third time this happens, she 
says "Doctor, am I going into surgery soon?"
The man replied, "Don't ask me lady. I'm just a painter!" 

4. 




If IBM made toasters...
They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be
submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide
market for five, maybe six toasters.

5. 



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