Today's jokes [2.10.18]

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Tom : I found twenty cents on the sidewalk.
Jim : That's mine. I dropped a twenty-cent coin there this morning.
Tom : But, what I found was two ten-cent coins!
Jim : That's it. I heard it break when it hit the ground.

Guy goes to hell and is met by the devil, who explains that the 
punishments are changed every thousand years and he is to 
select his first punishment. 

First room has a young guy on the wall being whipped. The 
new guy not keen on this asks to see the next room. The next 
room has a middle aged guy being tortured with fire. 

The new guy immediately asks to see the third room. It has an 
really old guy chained to the wall getting a blow job from a 
gorgeous blonde. 

The guy jumps at the chance and takes the room. 

The devil walks into the room taps the blonde on the shoulder 
and says "okay, you can stop now.  You've been relieved". 

The handsome American strode into a department store in Paris,
France, and headed straight for the lingerie counter. He intently
studied the array of lacy underthings and the sales lady bustled
over to him. "Do you have something in mind?" she asked.
"I certainly do, ma'am," the American emphatically replied. "That's
why I want a nice gift." 

What do spaghetti and blondes have in common?

 

They both wiggle when you eat them!

Sent by Sonia

Father Goose Story No. 5

There was a russian man named rudolph, a high ranking member of the KGB.
one evening rudolph and his wife, helga,  were walking along, and it
begins to snow.  "my, my, look at the lovely snow," said helga.
"no, that is not snow, that is rain!" replied rudolph.
"no, no, no, this is snow," she said.
"look, there is a palace guard, we will ask him."
rudolph went to the palace gaurd and said "is it raining or snowing?"
the gaurd was no dummy, so he said "what do YOU think it is doing, rudolph?"
rudolph replied, "raining."
and the gaurd said "yes comrade,i was going to say raining, also!"

so rudolph and helga went walking off.  the gaurd could just barely hear
the KGB official say:
        
        "RUDOLPH, THE RED, KNOWS RAIN, DEAR"

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