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Today's jokes [12.7.18]

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What are the three words you don't want to hear while making love?

"Honey, I'm home!" 

1. 




   Buckwheat Lets the Cat Outta the Bag
   One day the little rascals were sitting in school. The teacher walked
   in, and said, "good
   morning class. Today we are going to play word games. I'm going to
   give you a word and
   I want you to put it in a sentence for me." She said "Spanky you're
   first. Your word is
   football." Spanky stood up and proudly said " I threw the football,"
   and sat down.
   The teacher said "very good Spanky." Then the teacher said, "Darla,
   you're next. Your
   word is pretty." Darla stood up and said, " I think I'm very pretty!"
   Then she sat down.
   Then the teacher called on Buckwheat. She said, "Buckwheat, you're
   next. Your word is
   dictate." Buckwheat stood up looked at Arial, and said, "Hey Darla!
   How'd my dic tate las
   nigh?
   


2. 




After working for years, a hooker finally retired and, being afraid
of spending the rest of her life alone, she decided to marry. She had
been with so many perverted men over the years that she felt she
needed a change and would only get one by marrying a virgin male near
her age.
She took out ads in newspapers around the world seeking a male
virgin who was 55 years old. She finally narrowed her choice to an
Australian computer programmer.
After a thorough background check, she was satisfied that he had
indeed never been with a woman and they were married. On their
wedding night, she went into the bathroom to change into her nightie.
When she came back out, she found that her new husband had taken the
bed and everything in the room and stacked it in one corner of the
room. Thinking this was rather kinky, she said to her husband, "I
thought you had never been with a woman."
He replied, "That's true, but if it's anything like screwing a
kangaroo, we're going to need all the room we can get!



3. 




There's these four Irishmen in a bar, all drinking Guinness. One of them 
is looking rather puzzled, so another turns to him and asks him what's the 
matter.

1st Irishman: Well, I was just trying to remember what 2 plus 2 is.
2nd Irishman: Oh, that's easy, it's 147.
1st Irishman: No no no, that can't be right. How about you, Fergus, do you
              know what 2 plus 2 is?
3rd Irishman: Hmmm ... could it be Wednesday, perhaps?
1st Irishman: No no no, that doesn't sound right either. How about you               
Pat, do you know?
4th Irishman: Simple, the answer is 4.
1st Irishman: Of course! How did you work it out?!
4th Irishman: Aha, that's where brains come in! I subtracted 147 from
              Wednesday!



4. 




How do old people have oral sex? 

    They talk about it. 

5. 



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