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Today's jokes [11.7.18]

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TWO NUNS AND A BLIND MAN

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother 
Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring 
about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their 
habits, and paint in the nude. 

In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?", calls one of the 
nuns. "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each 
other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, 
they open the door.

"Nice tits," says the man, "where do you want these blinds?" 

1. 




The contemplative routine of the convent was being disrupted 
by the presence of workmen converting the electrical service 
from overhead lines to buried cable. Mother Superior called 
the electric company's complaint department to ask for help.

"The profanity these men use constantly is unsuitable for our 
community. You must make them stop cursing so much.", said 
the nun.

"Very well, sister. But you must make allowances for their 
habits. Even when they are trying to be tactful, they will still 
tend to call a spade a spade.", said the company 
spokeswoman.

Mother superior then observed, "I think the term they actually 
use is 'fucking shovel'".



2. 




Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

3. 




   On their honeymoon night, the burly groom took off his pants and asked
   his bride to put them on. The waist alone was twice her body.
   
   She said, "I can't wear your pants."
   
   "That's right," intoned the groom, "And don't you forget it. I'm the
   one who wears the pants in the family."
   
   The bride took off her panties and asked her husband to try it on.
   
   "No way. I can't get into your panties." he said.
   
   "That's right. And that's the way it'll be until you change your
   attitude." she said and smiled.


4. 




A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same 
sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both 
manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. 
In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to 
bother you but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly 
pass me another blanket." 

The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better 
idea... let's pretend we're married." 

"Why not?" giggles the woman. 

"Good," he replies.  "Get your own blanket." 

5. 



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